How Your Childhood Shaped You Into Who You Are Today

Do you ever find yourself wondering how you became the person you are today?

Today I find myself as an adult child of an 82 year old man, who’s health is rapidly declining. Facing the fact that I will be losing my only surviving parent very soon has me thinking a lot about the childhood I had.

Overall, my childhood was fine as I grew up the youngest of five children, in a household where my parents owned their own business and worked morning til night to provide us with a comfortable lifestyle. I definitely did not have to go without and know now how lucky I was being looked after by everyone else in the family. But what I reflect back on more so now, is how my environment has really shaped me into the person I am today. I know, this statement is not anything profound- we all know our childhood environment has a direct affect on who we become as adults but have you ever REALLY thought about how the life your own parents led has shaped you into who you are today?

Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Childhood

Take a minute and think about the childhood you had:

1.What kind of neighbourhood did you live in?

2.Did both your parents work full time jobs?

3.How involved were your parents in your life in elementary school/high school?

4.How did each of these areas affect you and the childhood you experienced? (both positively and negatively)

My parents weren’t home a lot while growing up. Hell, that’s an understatement. My parents were virtually non-existent, working all the time which left me either in the “care” of one of my older siblings and once I was older, alone. To me, having my parents around 10% of the time was actually normal. My dad would be gone to work before I got up in the morning and many times I was in bed before he even came home. I would usually see my mom in the morning for breakfast and not again until late evening when she would come home exhausted. Most of the time I would have already eaten a sandwich or a bowl of ice cream for dinner. (I ate a lot of ice cream!) All this work left little time for my parents to be involved in anything that I did. There is no doubt that having this type of childhood left a lasting impression on me, good and bad.

How Your Childhood Developed Your Character Traits

1.What are your strongest character traits today?

2.Looking back on your childhood, how do you think these traits were developed?

Thinking through these two questions has helped me pinpoint a lot of my character traits and where/why they developed:

Hard Working: My parents’ work ethic has definitely had some positive impact in my life, turning me into a hard worker and following the mantra that a job worth doing, is worth doing well.

Independence: I learned to do things on my own and by myself.

Solitude: When I am stressed or worried about something, being alone is my go-to therapy.

Trust issues: Being left alone a lot, there was no one around for me to really rely on. To this day, I have issues trusting anyone to do what they say they will do. I know this is a fault I have and some days I am able to let go and give people a chance. More often than not, I avoid situations were I have to completely rely on another person for their help. I suspect these trust issues are closely related to my need to be in control of most situations.

Impatient:  Well what else could I possibly be, having learned to be independent, do things for myself and not trust anyone else to do it for me?! Impatience is not one of my better qualities.

Now What?

For some, understanding why you are the way you are, can help you accentuate the positive and downplay the negative and maybe even help you learn how to work the two together. Being a hard working and independent person, on the days that I am feeling especially impatient, I make a conscience effort to choose tasks that I can complete on my own. On these impatient days, I recognize that it is best for everyone around me if I can find some solitude and work on my own. I admit, some days are better than others,especially when work and family stresses increase. But like everything else, I take things one day at a time with a step back and deep breath, all the while remembering that the way I live my life today will directly impact the adults my children will become in the years to come.